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Dealing with My Depression: Feeling Much Better

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Hello everyone, It was exactly a year ago that I shared my news with you because I wanted it to be my story. Today, I want to update you on my journey and how I’m feeling much better now. When I was first diagnosed, I felt like I was in a black hole. I experienced feelings of rejection, loneliness, and uselessness. My mind was overwhelmed with doubts and worries. During this dark time, I found comfort in Jesus’ cry from the cross: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me” (Matthew 27:46 & Mark 15:34). His words reminded me that even in my suffering, I am not alone. The journey to recovery wasn’t easy. I started on antidepressants and received counselling. The support from my friends and family has been invaluable. I’ve had my share of “wobbles,” but overall, I feel much stronger and more hopeful. One of the significant realisations during my recovery was the importance of talking about mental health. There’s a stigma around depression, especially in the church, where people

How silently, how silently

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Dear Friends, Crickey! Christmas is fast approaching, bringing many tasks such as attending many carol services and school nativities. However, amongst the stress and twinkly lights, there are many opportunities for sharing the good news.  Out of the Ordinary  is our 2023 Advent and Christmas theme. Our theme invites people to scratch beneath the surface to see God revealed. Advent and Christmas invite us to spend time with God: times when God promises to show up. Let’s keep watch, so that we’ll notice when God keeps that promise. Advent comes from Latin adventus, “coming”. As the carol proclaims:  Come, thou long expected Jesus, born to set thy people free. What’s your favourite Christmas Carol? According to Classic FM website the number one Christmas Carol is O Holy Night. In the top ten is the well-known O Little Town of Bethlehem which was written by the Revd Phillips Brooks following a journey he had made from Jerusalem to Bethlehem during the season of Christmas 1865. I am drawn

Larry

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I remember Helen bringing home a young cat called Larry. For the next 11 years Larry would bring us so much comfort and joy. Helen and I had to make the tough decision of having Larry put to sleep.  I feared when this day would come. I have never felt so much pain and heartbreak in all my life.  Helen and I have been married for 12 years, and 11 of those we’ve had Larry. The house feels empty, and I am learning to deal with it.    Having a much-loved pet is many things and a gift in a variety of ways.  An experience that defies the human flaw of relationship being a complex set of belongings.  Loving a pet invokes an unconditional love in return, leading to golden memories that reveal the special nature of animals who trust and watch over we humans. Francis of Assisi spent much of his time preaching about animals, exhorting that all creatures are brothers and sisters under God. This is why I believe humanity has much to learn from all God’s creatures.     Studies have shown that cats c

Dealing with the darkness

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I want to begin with this blog by saying thank you for your lovely and supportive comments. It means so much that people care and love me. Thank you for holding me and Helen in your prayers. Hearing people say ‘I’m only a call away’ has been a life changer.  I have shared my blog after having been diagnosed with depression as a way to help others who may find themselves in a similar situation. Mental health needs to be talked about rather than seen as a stigma. Let’s reach out to one another.  It is true to say that we all feel a little unsure at times. Some of our thoughts can be filled with doubt. I felt inadequate and this produced anxiety about my ministry, relationships, and ability to handle certain situations. There were times when I felt lonely and unloved. I was worried about failing and losing the people I loved. To help with this I am talking more to Helen, family, and friends, receiving counselling, and keeping a journal.  I know we should live in the moment, but I cou

Living in Darkness

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I haven't updated my blog for a long time.  I want to share something with you. Two weeks ago my GP diagnosed me with depression.  We can’t control how we feel and the thoughts we get. The average person will typically have more than 6,000 thoughts in a single day, and the brain can process these thoughts. However, I wasn’t able to think straight because of certain things that had happened and I wasn’t in control of it. This goes back to Autumn’s Synod in the London District. I put my name down to attend the Methodist Conference as a presbyter. The London District had two spaces for Presbyters and three applied. I came third and the other two Presbyters were chosen fairly. Some reading this might think this is trivial and it’s only a conference but don’t forget we can’t control our thoughts because we average about 3000 thoughts per hour or 50 per minute, just under one per second.  I have taken this badly. I struggle with ministers who have attended the Methodist Conference before

The Power of Touch

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One of the difficult things during the pandemic is not being able to hug family and friends.  Grandparents can only see their grandchildren on the other side of the window.  Some people have lost a loved one and we want to hug them, for others, we live miles away.   Touch is important. Physical touch matters for your wellbeing.  Touch plays a primary role in our development and physical and wellbeing. Lepers were never touched because the danger of infection was too high. Living as we have during Covid-19 gives us the insight into the life of the leper. For nearly a year we’ve not been able to embrace and welcome people with a hug, handshake or kiss. Covid has given us insights into what it’s like when we see people as ‘problems’ and not individuals.  Jesus looks beyond the problem and see’s a person made in his Father’s image.  He touches the outcast and the person is healed.  A part of loving your neighbour is keeping your distance, wearing a face covering, and not touching. We hope

Give a Little Love

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How would you describe this year in three words? This time last year we were busy enjoying our Advent/ Christmas services and tucking into our turkey or nut roast not knowing what 2020 would bring. Hindsight is a wonderful thing!       The John Lewis Christmas adverts are the most anticipated video of the year. This year, Waitrose and John Lewis have unveiled their Christmas inspired by acts of kindness by the public during the pandemic, featuring snowmen, giant Christmas crackers and hip-hop pigeons.  John Lewis and Waitrose theme for this year is ‘Give a little love’. Four years ago, Helen and I went to see the film ‘I Daniel Blake’. The film is about an ill carpenter who finds himself in need of state welfare, he meets a desperate single mother who finds the same thing. Together, the duo discovers that negotiating through the red tape is a challenge.  Friends, we all know a Daniel Blake… We see this every day, on way too many faces. The person is our neighbour; our co-worker, our cl